He was a writer and translator from my home state in Brazil. He got known as the poet of simplicity. Saw this on my timeline today, thought I would translate and share. Not sure if anything he wrote ever got translated to English. Pardon my poor English though, I am not a poet myself, so be ready for a poor job at conveying his light, cheerful and heart-filling message.
"Over time you start noticing that to be happy with someone else you need, first of all, not to need that person... you learn about loving yourself, taking care of yourself, and specially, about loving those who also love you.
The secret is not to run after the butterflies, it is to take care of your garden so the butterflies come after you.
In the end, you'll find not the one you were looking for, but someone who was actually looking for you."
Free Software with a female touch
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Jorge Drexler, Transporte
Desde ahora mismo y aquí
hacia donde quiera que estés,
parte de mi alma
parte a tu encuentro.
Sabes que te llevo dentro mío
igual que yo sé que tu me llevas dentro.
Se trata de un leve pulsar
que se abre camino hacia tí
cruzando las estaciones, constelaciones,
los momentos.
Digo que esta vida es llevadera
sólo porque sientes tú
lo que yo siento.
Donde tu estás
yo tengo el Norte,
y no hay nada como tu amor
como medio de transporte.
En este instante,
precisamente,
más canto y más te tengo yo
presente,
más te tengo yo presente.
hacia donde quiera que estés,
parte de mi alma
parte a tu encuentro.
Sabes que te llevo dentro mío
igual que yo sé que tu me llevas dentro.
Se trata de un leve pulsar
que se abre camino hacia tí
cruzando las estaciones, constelaciones,
los momentos.
Digo que esta vida es llevadera
sólo porque sientes tú
lo que yo siento.
Donde tu estás
yo tengo el Norte,
y no hay nada como tu amor
como medio de transporte.
En este instante,
precisamente,
más canto y más te tengo yo
presente,
más te tengo yo presente.
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
After the torment comes the sunshine
A lot has happened to me since I last wrote here. I actually don't think I can even say that I just gave this blog a break. I definitely abandoned it.
The past months have been a huge exercise for me. An exercise of opening my hands and letting things go. I did that a lot, and as much as I suffered and I know I have made people suffer a lot because of that, I feel more in peace and much lighter now. I look at the mirror and I don't question "what the hell am I doing with my life?" any longer. I know where it is going.
In March this year I decided to leave my "stable dream job". Since the decision was made, this required me to exercise one of the things that have been the most difficult in my life, but to understand what and how hard that is, I need to share some perspective first.
When I started being active in the Free Software community, very rapidly I received a lot of invitations to deliver talks in different places in Brazil, then later abroad. That experience was one of the most amazing of my life. I met so many people and seen so many different places, I had a great time.
But as you can imagine, being constantly on the road makes you exercise another skill which is not always pleasant: detachment. Detachment from local available friends, from having a relation to the local shop by my house, from having a stable relationship, from having a home. I did have an apartment at that time, but I definitely did not have a home (maybe the constant presence of half-full suitcases around the floor didn't help to build up that feeling).
Wikipedia says "detachment, also expressed as non-attachment, is a state in which a person overcomes his or her attachment to desire for things, people or concepts of the world and thus attains a heightened perspective."
Depending on the level of proximity one need from people and desire one have of possessing things, and specially how much one need those things to feel safe, it is an exercise of making yourself so lonely, and therefore unstable, that you feel light. Its horrifying and nice. All at once.
Back to my current life, when I first told people that I was considering leaving my job, I don't think anyone even believed me. How come? 90% of all nerds in the world would love to get a job at Google. Are you sick in the head? Other people questioned the amount of money I was making, and how nearly impossible it would be for me to have same financial status elsewhere. 15% income tax in Switzerland, with big Google bucks is indeed very comfortable. But I was just not happy with my job and not specially happy with my life in general, so I had to change.
Early in March I received a job offer from Facebook. I really thought I had not made it through my onsite interviews. I thought people were nice to me, and that I did mostly ok, but I wasn't really positive that I would get a job. Maybe the fact that I was going through interviewing AND writing an essay for my MBA at the same time did not help on my interview performance either, but well, I am always doing 3 thousand things at the same time.
With the decision to join Facebook came lots of other life-changing decisions: I would have to change my entire life because of that. Bye bye 15% income tax, bye bye Swiss salary. After a lot of hard discussions and what I call "mindfucking", it ended up being bye bye to my relationship as well. My 4 months old marriage. What the fuck was I thinking? It just seemed right. I know I hurt people, and I am sorry I did that, but it wasn't optional.
I also had to say bye bye to all my local friends, the fun times, the very close friends whose affection became not only important to me, but essential. I am a community person, and I regard my close friends as the family I carefully built over time.
So all of a sudden I knew that, in order to be happy, I would have to temporarily go back to that place which made me feel very vulnerable in the past: the place where I am detached from feelings, objects and people. That place from where I can just open my hands and let things go.
I took the job. I shipped all my furniture, electronics and objects to Brazil. I carefully selected the clothes and shoes I was going to keep (if you know me well, you know how hard it is to give up on a pair of beloved shoes). I gave whatever I didn't think I should keep to my friends and other people. I was shrinking, not only in luggage weight but as a person. Getting smaller so I would get back to growing.
Currently I am in Dublin, waiting for my US visa to be issued, so I can move to San Francisco on October 8th. I have been working for Facebook for 2 months, and I am SO happy I can't even explain. The weather sucks. I just don't care. I am happy.
I have been learning about myself every day. Learning about my new job every day, and learning about what is important in my life. One. Day. At. The. Time.
I know how much I miss my friends. I miss them badly. Fortunately they are such fantastic people that they made a "let's not leave nanda alone" schedule for visits while I am in Dublin. I won't be cold and alone out in the rain (being in Dublin that is sort of literal).
I am very excited about my move to San Francisco. This move is sort of a personal debt to myself. My friends who live in San Francisco did not believe me when I told them I was moving. They said "yeah, nanda, you say that every year". Dear friends, this time it is really happening!
I just feel like there's sunshine in my heart after a while living in torment.
"Quando já não tinha espaço, pequena fui
Onde a vida me cabia apertada
Em um canto qualquer,
Acomodei minha dança, os meu traços de chuva
...
Nada do que fui me veste agora, sou toda gota"
The past months have been a huge exercise for me. An exercise of opening my hands and letting things go. I did that a lot, and as much as I suffered and I know I have made people suffer a lot because of that, I feel more in peace and much lighter now. I look at the mirror and I don't question "what the hell am I doing with my life?" any longer. I know where it is going.
In March this year I decided to leave my "stable dream job". Since the decision was made, this required me to exercise one of the things that have been the most difficult in my life, but to understand what and how hard that is, I need to share some perspective first.
When I started being active in the Free Software community, very rapidly I received a lot of invitations to deliver talks in different places in Brazil, then later abroad. That experience was one of the most amazing of my life. I met so many people and seen so many different places, I had a great time.
But as you can imagine, being constantly on the road makes you exercise another skill which is not always pleasant: detachment. Detachment from local available friends, from having a relation to the local shop by my house, from having a stable relationship, from having a home. I did have an apartment at that time, but I definitely did not have a home (maybe the constant presence of half-full suitcases around the floor didn't help to build up that feeling).
Wikipedia says "detachment, also expressed as non-attachment, is a state in which a person overcomes his or her attachment to desire for things, people or concepts of the world and thus attains a heightened perspective."
Depending on the level of proximity one need from people and desire one have of possessing things, and specially how much one need those things to feel safe, it is an exercise of making yourself so lonely, and therefore unstable, that you feel light. Its horrifying and nice. All at once.
Back to my current life, when I first told people that I was considering leaving my job, I don't think anyone even believed me. How come? 90% of all nerds in the world would love to get a job at Google. Are you sick in the head? Other people questioned the amount of money I was making, and how nearly impossible it would be for me to have same financial status elsewhere. 15% income tax in Switzerland, with big Google bucks is indeed very comfortable. But I was just not happy with my job and not specially happy with my life in general, so I had to change.
Early in March I received a job offer from Facebook. I really thought I had not made it through my onsite interviews. I thought people were nice to me, and that I did mostly ok, but I wasn't really positive that I would get a job. Maybe the fact that I was going through interviewing AND writing an essay for my MBA at the same time did not help on my interview performance either, but well, I am always doing 3 thousand things at the same time.
With the decision to join Facebook came lots of other life-changing decisions: I would have to change my entire life because of that. Bye bye 15% income tax, bye bye Swiss salary. After a lot of hard discussions and what I call "mindfucking", it ended up being bye bye to my relationship as well. My 4 months old marriage. What the fuck was I thinking? It just seemed right. I know I hurt people, and I am sorry I did that, but it wasn't optional.
I also had to say bye bye to all my local friends, the fun times, the very close friends whose affection became not only important to me, but essential. I am a community person, and I regard my close friends as the family I carefully built over time.
So all of a sudden I knew that, in order to be happy, I would have to temporarily go back to that place which made me feel very vulnerable in the past: the place where I am detached from feelings, objects and people. That place from where I can just open my hands and let things go.
I took the job. I shipped all my furniture, electronics and objects to Brazil. I carefully selected the clothes and shoes I was going to keep (if you know me well, you know how hard it is to give up on a pair of beloved shoes). I gave whatever I didn't think I should keep to my friends and other people. I was shrinking, not only in luggage weight but as a person. Getting smaller so I would get back to growing.
Currently I am in Dublin, waiting for my US visa to be issued, so I can move to San Francisco on October 8th. I have been working for Facebook for 2 months, and I am SO happy I can't even explain. The weather sucks. I just don't care. I am happy.
I have been learning about myself every day. Learning about my new job every day, and learning about what is important in my life. One. Day. At. The. Time.
I know how much I miss my friends. I miss them badly. Fortunately they are such fantastic people that they made a "let's not leave nanda alone" schedule for visits while I am in Dublin. I won't be cold and alone out in the rain (being in Dublin that is sort of literal).
I am very excited about my move to San Francisco. This move is sort of a personal debt to myself. My friends who live in San Francisco did not believe me when I told them I was moving. They said "yeah, nanda, you say that every year". Dear friends, this time it is really happening!
I just feel like there's sunshine in my heart after a while living in torment.
"Quando já não tinha espaço, pequena fui
Onde a vida me cabia apertada
Em um canto qualquer,
Acomodei minha dança, os meu traços de chuva
...
Nada do que fui me veste agora, sou toda gota"
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Crisis
We usually tend to find life difficult, until some bad thing happen and makes things truly difficult.
A few weeks ago, I was in one more of my usual business trips to the US, when I learned that my mom was at the hospital for a heart surgery. She is actually pretty lucky to be alive. She had a test made which monitored her heart for 24 hours and the doctors learned that her heart stopped 24 times in that timeframe. Tell me about scary.
Well, I took the first flight I could from the US to Porto Alegre, to stay with her. I had a feeling that if I was there, she wouldn't be allowed to leave me. Or leave us.
She is fine now, and a happy owner of a pacemaker. She looks healthier than before. It is amazing how being healthy is always stamped on your forehead, but we just don't give a shit about it. We don't read the signs from our own body.
Anyway, in the middle of that crisis, which has passed but still affects daily life for all of us, I had the chance, for the first time in a few years, of spending 15 consecutive days with my family. I call that quality time. We were united again, we felt like a team again. Well, at least most of us did, I am sure.
I think I can say that two weeks ago I had one of the largest crisis in my life. I am so glad I had so many people I love and who loves me around, and that they also took care of me when I had to take care of others. That's how it is in the end. One helps the other and everybody gets stronger that way.
Now I am back to Zurich, to work, and trying to get my daily routine back to normal. It is hard, but I will get there.
A few weeks ago, I was in one more of my usual business trips to the US, when I learned that my mom was at the hospital for a heart surgery. She is actually pretty lucky to be alive. She had a test made which monitored her heart for 24 hours and the doctors learned that her heart stopped 24 times in that timeframe. Tell me about scary.
Well, I took the first flight I could from the US to Porto Alegre, to stay with her. I had a feeling that if I was there, she wouldn't be allowed to leave me. Or leave us.
She is fine now, and a happy owner of a pacemaker. She looks healthier than before. It is amazing how being healthy is always stamped on your forehead, but we just don't give a shit about it. We don't read the signs from our own body.
Anyway, in the middle of that crisis, which has passed but still affects daily life for all of us, I had the chance, for the first time in a few years, of spending 15 consecutive days with my family. I call that quality time. We were united again, we felt like a team again. Well, at least most of us did, I am sure.
I think I can say that two weeks ago I had one of the largest crisis in my life. I am so glad I had so many people I love and who loves me around, and that they also took care of me when I had to take care of others. That's how it is in the end. One helps the other and everybody gets stronger that way.
Now I am back to Zurich, to work, and trying to get my daily routine back to normal. It is hard, but I will get there.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Valentine's Day! Show your love for Free Software!
FSFE started a campaign last year, which I think is the most positive campaign for Free Software I've seen. So, let's join and show your love for Free Software!
Sunday, January 16, 2011
"These things happen"
In November, me and B were on our way to Zurich, waiting for a connecting flight in the Guarulhos airport, and B went to the ATM from Caixa (a federal bank where he has his account) to grab some cash. He did that.
Once he was back from Zurich, he learned his account had been cracked by some people using the ATM at the Guarulhos Airport. Ironic thing is that this ATM is just by the side (and I really mean door to door) of the police station at the airport. The people took around 1500 USD from his account. The bank detected the fraud and blocked his account. They said they would give his money back. As far as I know, he is still waiting.
Today, I went for manicure at the airport, since I had around 10 hours of waiting time between connecting flights. On my way to the saloon, which is next door to the police station as well, but to the other side, I saw two guys doing "stuff" at the ATM. They were talking as who take instructions from the mobile phone conversation they had, and typing some numbers, waiting, doing it again, going to the next ATM, doing the same, talking on the phone. And I couldn't help but wonder "What the hell are they doing there?". Probably they were again, doing some shit to the ATM and to some other people's bank accounts.
I got my manicure and pedicure done. It took me around 1 hour. When I got out of there I was surprised that one of the dudes was still (or again) there at the ATMs. Same thing: talking on the phone, getting instructions, doing whatever, typing stuff on the numeric keyboard, walking to the next ATM, doing the same, and so on.
I stopped at the Crepe shop which is around the same area, and stayed there paying attention to what the guy was doing. He finished his "stuff" and walked away.
After I was done with my Crepe, and was sure the dude was gone, I went to the police station.
I told them my boyfriend had his account cracked a few weeks ago from activity in that same ATM, and that I thought it was a bit ironic the fact that the ATM is next door to the police station. I asked whether they ever paid attention to the "activity" in the ATM. Also I told them about the dudes that probably spent 1 hour at the ATM machines today while I was getting my finger nails done.
There were 5 cops at that room. Not sure if there were more in the back rooms. They were all watching TV, except by a woman who was doing something on the computer.
They said it was pretty impossible to know what was going on there because they had other things to do, and that the staff doing machine maintenance in the ATMs was very likely to be involved in something like that. He said they knew it happened twice in that particular ATM in the past month. The dude didn't seem embarrassed at all by the fact that the ATM in question was just by the side of the police station where he is paid to be a policeman at.
And then he said "You know, these things happen".
I wonder when the police in Sao Paulo stopped feeling that crime is the problem their jobs is meant to solve.
After that, I left the station, and went walking very fast passed the passport control, where I knew my security would no longer be in those people's hands.
Once he was back from Zurich, he learned his account had been cracked by some people using the ATM at the Guarulhos Airport. Ironic thing is that this ATM is just by the side (and I really mean door to door) of the police station at the airport. The people took around 1500 USD from his account. The bank detected the fraud and blocked his account. They said they would give his money back. As far as I know, he is still waiting.
Today, I went for manicure at the airport, since I had around 10 hours of waiting time between connecting flights. On my way to the saloon, which is next door to the police station as well, but to the other side, I saw two guys doing "stuff" at the ATM. They were talking as who take instructions from the mobile phone conversation they had, and typing some numbers, waiting, doing it again, going to the next ATM, doing the same, talking on the phone. And I couldn't help but wonder "What the hell are they doing there?". Probably they were again, doing some shit to the ATM and to some other people's bank accounts.
I got my manicure and pedicure done. It took me around 1 hour. When I got out of there I was surprised that one of the dudes was still (or again) there at the ATMs. Same thing: talking on the phone, getting instructions, doing whatever, typing stuff on the numeric keyboard, walking to the next ATM, doing the same, and so on.
I stopped at the Crepe shop which is around the same area, and stayed there paying attention to what the guy was doing. He finished his "stuff" and walked away.
After I was done with my Crepe, and was sure the dude was gone, I went to the police station.
I told them my boyfriend had his account cracked a few weeks ago from activity in that same ATM, and that I thought it was a bit ironic the fact that the ATM is next door to the police station. I asked whether they ever paid attention to the "activity" in the ATM. Also I told them about the dudes that probably spent 1 hour at the ATM machines today while I was getting my finger nails done.
There were 5 cops at that room. Not sure if there were more in the back rooms. They were all watching TV, except by a woman who was doing something on the computer.
They said it was pretty impossible to know what was going on there because they had other things to do, and that the staff doing machine maintenance in the ATMs was very likely to be involved in something like that. He said they knew it happened twice in that particular ATM in the past month. The dude didn't seem embarrassed at all by the fact that the ATM in question was just by the side of the police station where he is paid to be a policeman at.
And then he said "You know, these things happen".
I wonder when the police in Sao Paulo stopped feeling that crime is the problem their jobs is meant to solve.
After that, I left the station, and went walking very fast passed the passport control, where I knew my security would no longer be in those people's hands.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Two, one, go!
So, tomorrow is my flight to Sao Paulo, so I decided to post a two-in-one song today, since I foresee a busy busy day, with almost no chance to another blog post. I am so looking forward to this trip, that its more than 1am, I woke up at 6:30am today, and I am wide awake.
It has been a lot of fun to work on this "A song a day" project, and for sure it has helped me to work through the time and the distance. I hope people didn't unsubscribe from my (now) cheesy blog.
Anyway. So today's song is Beatles - When I get home.
When I get home
Whoa-ho, whoa-ho,
I got a whole lot of things to tell her,
when I get home.
Come on, out of my way,
'cos I'm gonna see my baby today,
I've got a whole lot of things I've gotta say to her.
Whoa-ho, whoa-ho,
I got a whole lot of things to tell her,
when I get home.
Come on if you please,
I've got no time for trivialities,
I've got a girl who's waiting home for me tonight.
Whoa-ho, whoa-ho,
I got a whole lot of things to tell her,
when I get home.
When I'm getting home tonight, I'm gonna hold her tight.
I'm gonna love her till the cows come home,
I bet I'll love her more,
till I walk out that door again.
Come on, let me through,
I've got so many things, I've got to do,
I've got no business being here with you this way.
Whoa-ho, whoa-ho,
I've got a whole lot of things to tell her
when I get home - yeah.
It has been a lot of fun to work on this "A song a day" project, and for sure it has helped me to work through the time and the distance. I hope people didn't unsubscribe from my (now) cheesy blog.
Anyway. So today's song is Beatles - When I get home.
When I get home
Whoa-ho, whoa-ho,
I got a whole lot of things to tell her,
when I get home.
Come on, out of my way,
'cos I'm gonna see my baby today,
I've got a whole lot of things I've gotta say to her.
Whoa-ho, whoa-ho,
I got a whole lot of things to tell her,
when I get home.
Come on if you please,
I've got no time for trivialities,
I've got a girl who's waiting home for me tonight.
Whoa-ho, whoa-ho,
I got a whole lot of things to tell her,
when I get home.
When I'm getting home tonight, I'm gonna hold her tight.
I'm gonna love her till the cows come home,
I bet I'll love her more,
till I walk out that door again.
Come on, let me through,
I've got so many things, I've got to do,
I've got no business being here with you this way.
Whoa-ho, whoa-ho,
I've got a whole lot of things to tell her
when I get home - yeah.
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